Wed Mar 26 22:31:35 2003

More fun with the Oracle. My response to this one isn’t too bad.

< Oracle Most Wise; < < What affect, if any, will The End of The World have on The < Stock Market?

Now you might think that The End of The World ™ would have a negative affect on the stock market, considering that most economists believe that the price of stocks are related to companies future earnings potential, and that the destruction of the world, and thereby presumably all money stored on said world would significantly reduce earnings potential for basically all companies.

But this isn’t actually the case. The value of stocks are determined by an old man living on a shack on the moon. He selects values for the stocks based on the number of steps he has to take from his shack to the nearest selection of his favorite cheese (yes, the moon is made of cheese, but not all of it is really edible). So small changes in the market are generally attributable to him having to travel further as he eats nearby selections of cheese. Larger changes are usually caused by him switching from cheddar to gouda.

Now you probablby have doubts about the veracity of this, but consider this: why else do governments build huge telescopes? It’s to spy on him and track the availability of various types of cheese around his small shack. The Wealth Of Nations is not found in gold, but on the moon.

You owe the oracle a large telescope and a map of the moon.